Caution: This blog is from 2022!

We’ve been on the road for 5 weeks and lots of things have been super. But real life is more than instagram. Shit happens. Regularly. So here are the fails we have had in our first 5 weeks of van living: (in no particular order of merit)

1. The time the Wolf ran over his own shoes

In an effort to find the perfectly flat parking spot there is always a bit of to-ing and fro-ing. Sadly, on this occasion, one of the to’s involved rolling over the Yeezy’s. Those of you who know sneakers are probably in full cardiac arrest right now. But rest assured, they bounced back.

Learning: check all around the car before you move anything.

2. The time we got rained out

The Cinque Terre tried to kill us. Twice. This time with a monsoon. Slippery paths and that much rain does not make for a happy me. My mantra became: “I am a pilgrim. I have been through worse than this.” (For more info on my Camino di Santiago, go here.)

Learning: Take a dry pair of shoes if you know it will rain. OR don’t walk on a rainy day, you are not in a hurry.

3. The time we tried to destroy our marquee

Another rain related disaster. Those of you who have a small van understand, you need to have outside space to survive. The marquee is a the first thing we assemble on arrival. It is attached to our van, so it’s expensive and a pain in the ass to replace. So you take SUPER good care of it, right? Sure!

We are in Tropea, Calabria. Again with the monsoon like rains, but in the night. From the dry comfort of bed we hear the rain and are both too lazy to get up and put the marquee down or on an angle. Big mistake. Big. Huge.

When the Wolf gets up in the morning he can hardly open the door because the marque has sunk down under the weight of the water. The water tumour has bent the poles and we are certain that the marquee is destroyed. We totally cashed in 20 lucky chips, because after the boil was lanced, the poles popped right back to normal and the marquee shows no signs of having been so badly treated. PHEW!

Learning: don’t be lazy bastards.

4. The time I got a flat tyre

Bike tour day. We are 9 k from “home” and on a Sunday at lunchtime. In the scorching hot. Yip. I sat in the bar drinking wine while the Wolf rode back to base camp. Hero status “high”.

Learning: take the pump you have in the car with you on bike trips.

5. The time we didn’t check the opening hours

And stayed in the worst camping site ever. And planned the whole week around going to see massive trees. And discovered it was closed. Yeah. Cool

Learning: I think this one needs no explanation.

6. The time we got invaded by flying animals

Like literally 27 million of them. Little bastards. Of course it is a side effect of camping on farms.

Learning: use the mosquito net you have in the car. Unused.

7. The time the camping spot was a dump

I will not sleep in a spot that other people have clearly used as a toilet. Shame on them.

Learning: always have time to get to the next place. Be flexible. Be careful where you shit.

8. The time we had to tow a stranger

The Trooper needed the power of the whole Empire (and his 4 wheel drive) to extract these poor freedom campers from their sandy doom. Another day I was glad we were in him, not Elliot.

Learning: sometimes you are just in the right place at the right time.

9. The time the campground wasn’t open

Boring! Arrive at your pick of places and it isn’t ready for you.

Learning: be flexible. Have a back up plan.

10. The time that technology let us down

If it’s not the navigation system breaking or the chip in ATM card refusing to work, then it’s your computer battery deciding this of a good time to die. Technology can destroy you.

Learning: update everything before you leave an actual house.

What’s your biggest camper fail? What did you learn?