1. We are not Australian. There is no bridge between the two countries. We do not share a currency. If in doubt, ask “Are you a kiwi?” Aussies don’t mind being mistaken for us. We hate being mistaken for them.

2. On that note: A ‘kiwi” is a bird. That thing you eat is a “kiwi fruit”. Our national bird is an endangered species. Please do not eat it. NB a “kiwi” is also a widely accepted name for New Zealanders. We are not insulted by it.

3. The mighty All Blacks are a source of national pride.

4. We LOVE that we are world champions. AGAIN

5. The haka is NOT a dance. It is a challenge (often to enter into battle) as anyone who has faced one can attest to. And yes, we all know the words. And no, I will not teach you.

6. We know we have the most beautiful country in the world, but we won’t brag about it.

7. We are more than Lord of the Rings (it’s pretty cool though, eh?) Ask us about splitting the atom, climbing Mt Everest, giving women the vote or Anna Paquin’s boobs.

8. We could be self sufficient if we wanted to. We have water, land and oil. Be nice and we might let you stay.

9. The way we say 6 is perfect. We don’t really like being teased about it. It’s perfect, I tell you.

10. We were “sorry” a long time ago. We haven’t got it right, but at least we are trying. We are proud of our indigenous culture, we consider it one of the things that makes us special.

Kia Ora and have a nice day.